Everything I Need To Know In Life I Learned From Charles Dickens*

If you meet a mysterious and unhappy woman who looks at you as though you were a ghost…

…it may be that she is your long-lost mother who had been told that you died at birth. Ask her!

If you have never learned housekeeping or deportment because your mother is in the habit of practicing Telescopic Philanthropy and only employs you to help her write letters…

…don’t use this as an excuse not to respect her. She is still your mother, and you will learn housekeeping skills from someone else before you marry the dancing master.

If you are sitting with a friend in your furnished room and notice that there is a terrible and ominous smell coming from the rag-and-bone shop on the ground floor as well as a strange oily soot in the air…

…it’s probably because your landlord has spontaneously combusted. Call the Bow Street Runners.

*n.b. this is not true.


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