On Scurvy and the Taxonomy of Bananas

P (17 y.o. boy, my regattas-and-shipwrecks reporter): (reflectively) (actually addressing the librarian, not me): Did you ever think of oranges being pre-sliced?

Me: I’ve thought of bananas being pre-packaged.

P: Hey, I could write an article about this… about how they’re pre-sliced.

Me: Write it about that, and about how they prevent scurvy.

P (knowledgeably, with great conviction): ANY fruit will prevent scurvy.

Me: Not bananas, I don’t feel like.

P: That’s why bananas are not classified as a fruit.

Me: They’re classified as an animal.

P: Yeah… hey, if bananas are classified as an animal what would happen if you fed one to a vegetarian?

Me: They’d be upset.  And feel guilty.

P: Yeah.


2 responses to “On Scurvy and the Taxonomy of Bananas

  1. Magicians can pre slice Bananas.

  2. http://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-5717-571-Banana-Slicer/dp/B0047E0EII reviews.

    For instance:
    5.0 out of 5 stars No more winning for you, Mr. Banana! March 3, 2011
    By SW3K
    For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. “Use a knife!” they say. Well…my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives. “Shoot it with a gun!” Background check…HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I’ll call it South Side Story.

    Banana slicer…thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon.

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